You’ve messed up. You’ve been caught fooling around with somebody else, and all of sudden everything has collapsed into a nightmare. She’s heartbroken, upset, crying. You’re feeling like an idiot, finally realizing just how much you stand to lose. What can you do? How can you express your regret and love for her, save this relationship and prevent it all going to hell? Here are three ways you can regain her trust—remember, it will be hard, but it’s not important.
1)Stop making excuses. Be a man and own up to it. In the end, being responsible for your mistakes will show her that you are being mature and an adult. Nothing is a greater turn off than endless excuses and whining how it’s not your fault. Step up to the plate and own your mistakes, and say that you messed up, you know it’s your fault, and you’re not going to try to run away from your mistake. The benefits to this are huge. One, it’s the most honest and mature thing to do, which is its own reward. Two, it’s going to send her a clear message that you’re not going to try and continue tricking her and changing things around. And third, it puts you on more even footing with which to proceed to the next step.
2)Listen to her. When somebody is hurt, there is a grieving process. This involves telling the person that hurt them how much they feel betrayed. Don’t try to cut them off, leap in and correct things, start promising already how much better things will soon become. Rather, bite the bullet and take the verbal lashing that is coming your way. Think of the pain inside her as poison, and her telling you how much you hurt her as drawing that poison out. Then sooner she can get it out of her system, the sooner she can begin to heal. So resist the urge to make things better by trying to persuade her, to apologize over her protests. Just shut up, and reap what you’ve sown.
3)Affirm your commitment to her, and ask her what she needs in order for you to remain together. After taking responsibility, and letting her pour out her pain and betrayal, step up and tell her you still love her, and that you want to make this work. Tell her you are willing to whatever she needs to heal your relationship. What this may be is up to her. She might want time apart, to go home and visit her family, to not talk to you for a few weeks. She might want access to your cell phone and email accounts. You don’t know—but once again, the best thing you can do is just listen, accept, and work within whatever parameters she sets forth to regain her trust.
The key lesson to take from all this is that you have to show her that you love her, that you are a mature man, and that you will fight to keep her. While there are mind games and power plays you can use to cheat and psychologically manipulate her into taking you back, all of those poison the well and ensure an unhealthy relationship. What you need to do is show her you are responsible, disappointed in yourself, and determined to heal this relationship, no matter what.
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